Justin Bieber is being sued for allegedly
purchasing penis enlargement (!!!) equipment with a stolen American
Express credit card. He is also accused of cheating on Selena Gomez with
not only actress Penelope Cruz, but fellow pop divas Kesha and Rihanna.
But wait. It gets better… or worse, if you’re the ‘As Long as You Love Me’ singer.
Justin Bieber
is being sued in the state of
Michigan by a man who claims he is Gomez’s father. The lawsuit makes
some of the most ridiculous claims, to quote Taylor Swift, like ever.
It’s clearly a lark or some yahoo trying to get a laugh via the legal
system.
The person suing Bieber is steaming mad
over the fact that “Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back.
This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my
daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my Canadian bear rug.”
Impregnated on a Canadian bearskin rug?
The suit is also taking aim at Biebs’
mentor Usher, whom the plaintiff claims came to his house on July 4 of
this year and put a firework where the sun doesn’t shine, all the while
blasting the Katy Perry song of the same name! Quite the visual, huh?
The Biebs is also accused of stealing his
credit card and buying cocaine to distribute in drug-free school zones,
with Diddy as his drug lieutenant.
The suit does make one claim that seems
real. The plaintiff says, “I am an emotional mess.” Well, that’s
evident. He also asks “America to boycott Bieber’s music,” which the
haters may salute him for.
Oh Biebs, the price of fame. Hopefully you got a laugh out of this.
Penis enlargement? Canadian bear rugs?
We can’t even believe that someone other
than a huckster launched this suit. What a waste of a civil servant’s
time to have to process this.
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